SCA Humor

Mattel Releases SCA Barbie and Friends
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Mattel spokesperson Baroness Plastique Toise announced today the release of the SCA Barbie line of dolls, toys and accessories. The first batch, which was released today, consists of Barbie (Barbara du Mattel), Kenneth de Faux, Chani and Colleen MacNeil, as well as various horses and playsets.

SCA Barbie (called Barbara du Mattel) with blonde hair and blue eyes, this doll comes dressed in the basic t-tunic, leggings and boots. The Barbara doll is modified - she has flat feet, no arch, and cannot wear heels. Clothing packages include Elizabethan, middle period, early period fop, or Scottish. Accessories include pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull her string to hear her say... "What time does court begin?" "Long live the Queen!" "I'm sooooo drunk!" and "Stop looking at HER and pay attention to ME!"

Kenneth de Faux comes with blonde hair and blue eyes. He comes dressed in the standard t-tunic, leggings, and boots. The Kenneth doll is modified - he IS anatomically correct, so when he is in Scottish clothing, Barbie can kilt-check him. Clothing packages include Elizabethan, middle period, early period fop, Scottish or Viking. Accessories include pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull his string to hear him say... "What time does fighting begin?" "Long live the King!" "Here, drink this. It will save your life!" and "Who's that girl over there?"

Dark-haired and dark-eyed Chani comes dressed in a basic belly- dancing outfit (with accessories...veils, cap, shoes, coin-metal belts and bras and headpieces, etc.) with options for Mongolian, Chinese, Japanese, Elizabethan, Turkish and other Middle Eastern garb. She has drums, cymbals, pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, chirurgeon's kit, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull her string and hear her shriek out Xena's war cry or say "Which way to Schadenfreude's party?" "You drummers come back here! It's not time to quit yet!" "A cloven fruit? For me?" and "Maybe next time, big boy."

Red-haired and green-eyed Colleen MacNeil comes dressed in a basic t-tunic, leggings, and boots. Clothing packages include Elizabethan, middle period, early period fop, Scottish, Irish, Welsh or Viking. Accessories include pouch, belt, cloak, hat, gloves, wooden chair, candelabra, feast gear, armor, weapons, waterbearing equipment, and horse with saddle and tack.

Pull her string and hear her say "Now, wasn't I just tellin' ye that?" "Slainte!" "Long live the Queen!" and "Water? Oranges? Gatorade? Me?"

A variety of horse packages are also available, complete with saddle, tack, blanket, trough, feed sack, blinders, etc.

A variety of weapons packages are also available, including:

The Catapult Sets (manually-operated and counterweight-operated, complete with catapult, rocks and rock baskets).

The Trebuchet Set (complete with trebuchet and logs).

The Siege Tower Set.

The Battering Ram Set.

The Viking Warship Set (complete with drums, sails, rope, dock [with barrels, crates, nets] and seagulls).

Accessory Sets:

The Camping Accessory Set (complete with tents, feast gear, chairs, tables, fire pit, firewood, kegs and water barrels, latrines, shade pavilions, candelabra, candles, lanterns, aric wall [black or white], fire extinguishers, food, ice chests [with period covers, of course], and cloven fruit).

The Wagon Accessory Set (complete with wagon and tow bar to attach to your horses or dragon).

The Waterbearer's Accessory Set (complete with bottles, slings, tubing, oranges, pickles, extra cigarettes and lighters, duct tape, scissors, towels, cameras and sashes).

The Chirurgeon's Accessory Set (complete with medical supplies, stretcher, walkie talkies and sashes).

The Marshal's Accessory Set (complete with marshal sticks, walkie talkies, measuring tools, whistles and sashes).

The Autocrat's Accessory Set (complete with walkie talkies, golf cart, sashes, a chair to collapse into, and alcohol and aspirin).

The Exotic Party Games Accessory Set (complete with cloven fruit, alcohol, condoms, lotions and potions, whipped cream and strawberries).

The Archer's Accessory Set (complete with bows, arrows, quivers, hay bales and targets).

The Rapier Fighter's Accessory Set (complete with rapiers, daggers, cloak, small shield, helm, gorget, cup and supporter, gloves, foofy hat, feathers and nice clothing).

The Heavy Fighter's Accessory Set (complete with armor, weapons, shields, duct tape, tabards, elbow and knee pads, kidney belt, cup and supporter, gorget, gauntlets, gloves, demigauntlets, leather working kit, and extra basket hilts).

The Nobles and Peers Accessory Sets (complete with crowns, thrones, pretty colored belts, nice clothing and numerous servants, spurs where appropriate).

The Herald's Accessory Set (comes with scrolls [both finished and unfinished], medallions, gifts, tabards and glass of water).

The Mercenary's Accessory Set (comes with tent, bedroll, armor, weapons, alcohol, cloven fruit and condoms). [There is NOTHING else missing from this kit, so please do not write to us asking where the rest of the set is.]

The Sheriff's Accessory Set (comes with stocks and rope).

Scenario Sets:

The War Scenario Set (complete with battle pit, redoubts, castle, bridge, chirurgeon's point with medical supplies, marshal's point, hay bales, emergency evac helicopter and ambulances, porta-johns and cleaning trucks, shower trucks, rope roads, troll booth, site tokens, kid's corner, marshal sticks, walkie talkies, garbage barrels, golf carts, cell phones and court pavilions). You must provide your own rain, mud, blowing dust, grass, pollen and parking lot.

The Archery Scenario Set (complete with hay bales, targets and aric wall).

The Tournament Scenario Set (complete with aric walls, list table and pavillion, marshal sticks, walkie talkies, extra weapons and shields, water table with coolers, etc.).

The Court Scenario Set (complete with thrones, pavillions, chairs, banners, scrolls [both finished and unfinished], swords for the court members behind the thrones, tabards, cushions for kneeling upon).

The Executioner's Scenario Set (complete with stocks, axe, chopping block, head-catching basket, hangman's noose and beam, clean-up rags and black mask).

Other dolls and sets will be released periodically over the next year, Baroness Plastique said.

Stay tuned!