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Here's a little something that will help you relive those wonderful faire days. If you're not quite so eager to leave behind the Faire experience, you might try these at-home substitutions:
- Have a household member rev up a leaf blower outside your bedroom window just before dawn, so you won't miss the privy-suckers.
- Invite about 2,000 friends over, then try to walk from one end of your house to the other.
- Crank your heater up to 100 and stand in front of it wearing a sleeping bag for a skirt and a wool blanket for a shirt. Add a hat. Try to cool yourself by drinking warm rust-flavored water.
- Be drunk by 11 a.m. Sleep it off mid-day and start all over again at 4 p.m.
- Each day about 2 p.m., pile fine silt in front of a portable fan on a card table. Stand in front of the fan so the silt blows into your eyes. Every time it does, curse.
- Put pebbles all over the floors of your house. Wear thin-soled slippers as "shoes." Walk on the rocks for 8 hours straight.
- Charge your family $3.00 for iced tea and $5.00 for a baked potato.
- Sprinkle your toilet seat and bathroom floors with water and wet wadded tissue. Add a pile of fake vomit.
- When you undress at night, wad up your clothes and stash them outside. Sprinkle beer and dirt on them.
- And remember: Twice a day, with an expression of humble respect on your face, yell "God Shave The Queen!"